Penance
by Casa Circe
Summary: "Each one of us is touched by darkness at some point in our lives," Archie added gravely, "and we choose whether to embrace it or to fight it. But the path we choose first is by no means irreversible." During a session, Regina learns that she may have more in common with Archie Hopper than she previously believed.


Penance

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters in this story but any crazy lines are mine._

_NOTE: A prompt fill for iwazbornaunicorn on Tumblr._

_Prompt #1_

_During a session, Archie ends up confiding some of his own past/inner turmoil to Regina and she finds herself feeling compassionate towards him. A bonding moment, essentially, where the two realize they have more in common than they thought previously. _

_This is the first time I've written for this fandom so feel free to correct me on any characterization errors or other mistakes I may have made. I also haven't written fan fiction in a while so I'm a bit rusty. _

_But I started shipping this and I needed to get this story out of my system. Hope you like it!_

"No one here is without guilt, Regina," Dr. Hopper reassured the troubled lady.

"And what would _you _know about guilt?" Regina snapped, a tad harsher than she had intended.

Dr. Hopper's expression remained admirably placid but Regina noticed that his eyes widened ever so slightly at her remark. For a few moments, he said nothing and though she felt a twinge of remorse, she was not in the habit of apologizing to anyone. So she looked away stubbornly as they settled into an uncomfortable silence. She began to retreat behind the high walls of her defenses again and it would be difficult to bring her out of it.

Her outburst had come in the middle of a particularly trying session. Archie had been trying to help her delve into the roots of her pain and doing so required an exploration of her past that she was not quite ready for. They had been struggling with this issue for several sessions now, but she had begun to open up incrementally. Nevertheless, discussing her past life, particularly concerning her family, was taxing on Regina and she tended to grow irritable and bitter as she dwelled on each unpleasant memory. It was akin to reopening old wounds and splashing saltwater on them. The sting could be almost unbearable.

So she had lashed out rather unfairly at Archie. She thought that it seemed high-handed of him to be talking to her about guilt when he was a living, breathing conscience who had probably never been plagued by his past crimes. She doubted that he even had crimes to speak of. She didn't say these out loud but by the glare she shot at him when she snapped, it seemed clear enough.

Regina was still so engrossed in her fuming over the injustices of her life that she almost didn't hear him respond.

"More than you think I do," he said softly.

This immediately got Regina's attention and her anger dissipated and was replaced by curiosity. She looked at him properly now and noticed how a shadow seemed to have fallen over him, a sadness that she was all too familiar with. It surprised her immensely and she now waited patiently for what he would say next.

Archie sighed and decided that there was no avoiding the topic now. As much as it pained him to speak of his past, he knew that it was necessary, not only to explain his comment but also to make Regina see that he truly understood some part of what she was going through.

So he told her everything about his unhappy childhood, his controlling parents, and the crimes he had been forced to commit. He told her about his deal with Rumplestiltskin and the price he had to pay and eventually, the chance the Blue Fairy gave him to redeem himself.

Regina listened intently to his story, her surprise growing at every revelation. She had never imagined that she would share anything in common with Storybrooke's most exemplary citizen. And the more she learned about Archie's painful past, the more her respect for him grew.

It already meant a lot to her that there was one person in the town who was genuinely willing to help her move forward. But to learn that this someone also had an inkling of what she had been going through was another astonishing development. Never had she felt that she would truly be able to trust him than at that moment.

In a way, it also helped Archie to be able to discuss his past with someone else. He too had long avoided talking about it and never really had anyone to share it with. And now, he felt that somehow, a burden was being lifted from his weary shoulders, that sharing his pain with someone who understood it made it more bearable.

When he finished, they sat silently for a few moments, each one lost in thought.

"I'm sorry," Regina said softly, genuine remorse showing in her tone of voice, "I didn't know."

"It's fine," he reassured her, "it's not a story I enjoy telling. But like I told you before, the past is doomed to haunt you."

It was only then that she realized that he had not been speaking only about her.

"But after all this time," she said incredulously, "You're still trying to atone for what you've done. All your good works, all the people you've helped, and you still don't feel that you've done enough?"

Archie sighed and nodded.

"In a way, I haven't let go of the past completely, though I've tried my best," he replied earnestly, "but every now and then, I also have my moments of doubt."

Regina slumped her shoulders dejectedly.

"Then, what hope do you think is there for me?" she asked sadly, "if someone as good as you continues to seek forgiveness for something committed so long ago."

Archie immediately saw his mistake and jumped to rectify it before she retreated even further into the darkness of her soul. He needed to call her back.

"No, Regina, you must not give in to despair," he cried out, taking her hands gently in his, "it's a very noble path you're taking now and the important thing is that you've started. That's usually the most difficult step."

She looked back at him but she seemed unconvinced. She did not let go of his hands though and that gave him some encouragement.

"Each one of us is touched by darkness at some point in our lives," Archie added gravely, "and we choose whether to embrace it or to fight it. But the path we choose first is by no means irreversible."

"But will anything I do ever be enough to make up for all I've done?" she asked uncertainly.

"I'm sure it will be," he told her, "but you also have to give yourself a chance. Before seeking forgiveness from others, you must also be willing to forgive yourself."

"Have you?" she asked him.

He looked at her carefully, and he found himself overwhelmed by the hope and desperation in her eyes. But he would not deceive her.

"I'm still working on it," he answered honestly, "but I know I'll get there someday. And you will, too."

To his relief, this did not discourage her at all. In fact, her lips curved into the slightest of smiles. Archie returned the smile warmly.

"And you must always remember," he continued with more confidence, "that however difficult this process may be, wherever this road may take you, you are not alone."

She nodded gratefully, and after a pause, she decided to add:

"Neither are you."


End file.
